I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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