You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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