i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
