if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
