Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
