I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
