After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
