How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
