Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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