my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize