Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
3 2 1 whiskey
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
