I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
