Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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