Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
