ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
