remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
