dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize