If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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