I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
