a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
is it fun? or sober?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
