What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
