I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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