just survived the first fart of the relationship.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
