worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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