Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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