I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
