Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
