Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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