That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
