She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I stole a fireplace last night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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