I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
