I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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