We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
NoShamevember. You game?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
