I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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