i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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