I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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