im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
