i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The adults are the big ones right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
