Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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