ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
