he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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