I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
