my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We were destined to go to rehab together
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
