I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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