I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Oh god it's open bar.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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