it was like his penis was on wheels.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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