the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
