Sry I called you an 8
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
