just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
