im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
