Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
