Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
