Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize