That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
