so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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