Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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