Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Drunk is a universal language darling
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