Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
