Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
