I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
