It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
