I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
