just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need a beard to bite.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
