threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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