There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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