no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Mom said you looked used
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
