I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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