were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
