I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
