don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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